Gratitude Archive

You may have read or heard the saying many times, “Let go, let God!”.  You may have heard it so many times that you don’t even hear it anymore yet it is the most important phase of all time.  Reference Proverbs 3:5-6:

Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.

As we go through our day-to-day life we think we are in control of everything.  We control what time we get up, what time we get to work, where we eat lunch, what appointments we will make and so on.  Most times we are on autopilot just doing our thing.  We have everything under control and we are the one who decides everything.

Then something unexpected happens.  You get a phone call from your dad that your mom is at the heart hospital and she is going to need immediate heart surgery.  There went my control.  I was actually laying in bed with a respiratory infection feeling so puny and weak.  My mom had to have an angiogram done in the morning and I wasn’t fit to go while she had the test done.  My amazing husband took of work to sit with my dad and visit with the doctor after the test.  My husband called.  “Your mom is going to have open heart surgery tomorrow.  It can’t be put off.”   The next thing I knew I was on my way to the heart hospital in a complete dazed and feeling awful.

As I walked into the room my mom had been assigned.  I sat there in disbelief.  My parents were just in The Keys in Florida the day before and now my mom is awaiting open heart surgery. I was still shaking my head as to how my life could change over night and how I suddenly lost control.  Not only was I sick as a dog but I was going to have to help and support my family through this health crisis.

I listened as the heart surgeon spoke of the six-hour open heart surgery that would happen in the morning, how they would put my mom on a machine to keep her heart beating and breathing for her.  I heard her say it would be a quadruple bypass since two of her heart valves were 100% blocked, one was 95% blocked and the fourth one 75% blocked.  I wondered how my mom who walked everyday for exercise could have possibly had this much blockage and still function.

The next morning came.  My dad, my husband and I sat for six and a half hours patiently waiting to hear the surgery was over and a success.  I can still remembered the upholstery pattern on the chairs and the swirl on the tile floor from staring at them for so long and constantly praying.  There was even a cute black lab named Grace (appropriate) that came and visited everyone in the waiting room.  You could pet Grace and she would just sit and look at your with her big brown eyes comforting you.

I remember the other family in the waiting room with us.  Their family member’s prognosis wasn’t as good as my moms.  Their family member needed a heart transplant and needed it right away.  As much as I was suffering with worry about my mom I had to be grateful she didn’t need a heart transplant.

I continued to pray for God to watch over the surgeon, nurses,  anesthesiologist and medical team assisting with my moms surgery.  God please keep my mom strong through this procedure.  I prayed hard and long and then I realized I needed to let go and let God take over.  I had heard it before and I had practiced it before.  I needed to do it again.

I walked over to the window and looked up to the beautiful fluffy white clouds and said to myself, “God, I know you already have this situation handled and I have no control over what your plan is for my mom.  I trust completely in you Lord and I promise to be at peace and let your will be done.”  The minute I finished praying my dad’s cell phone  went off and the message my dad received was that my mom was in recovery and her prognosis was good. They even said the heart muscle wasn’t damaged and the problem was all the blockages.  This was the best news we could have received.  Thank you God.

As my mom stayed in the hospital for several days I again realized my life was turned upside down.  My dad stayed with my mom during the days and I would sleep all day (which isn’t easy) and stay at the hospital all night long.

It is so tough seeing your mother weak and frail after open heart surgery when you are used to her taking care of everything.  Not only is she my mother but she is also my boss.  You can imagine this made my family life and work life a complete mess.  When you have a sick parent at least you can work and get away for a bit to a different life. I couldn’t do that because I was literally doing the bosses work from a hospital room while caring for my mother.  Her clients never knew she had surgery because she would dictate emails to me for her clients in the short periods she would be awake.

The nights were long on a hospital makeshift couch/bed.  Internet was spotty and the food left quite a bit to be desired.  You know it didn’t matter because I knew God was caring for my mom and He was giving me the strength I needed to do my part.

It took several months for my mom to be back fully to work and feeling good but I am blessed I was able to be with her to help keep everything going.  I would get up in the morning and let my life flow without trying to control any aspect of this situation.  I was at peace.  God was in control.

You may find yourself in a similar situation, maybe a family member has a health crisis, you may be in an abusive relationship, your finances may be in dire straights.  If you are please let go and let God!  Set a timer for fifteen minutes.  Sit quietly to allow your mind to clear of you worry or anxiety and when it as clear as it can be, open your heart and pray.  Ask God to take control of your situation.  Let Him know that you fully trust Him to solve this problem.  Stop being a human for a few minutes and resign all control to Him.  The worst thing that will happen is you can’t let go and you are no worse off and you are still right where you are.  The best thing is when you truly let God take over you will instantly feel a sense of peace in your heart and mind.  I promise you will feel it immediately when you genuinely turn to God and trust.

I am speaking to you from experience and I tell you in many of my blogs that the only way I was able to survive a drug and alcohol riddled marriage, an extremely anxious and OCD period with my daughter, a huge loss of income and this particular situation was to trust God.  Each and every one of these situations when handed over to God turned out better than I could have ever expected.  I have a second marriage that is spectacular, my daughter now ministers to others with OCD and anxiety, I am gaining new clients for my business everyday and my mom is still doing great.

I have written many times that God wants the very best for us.  He doesn’t want us to suffer He only wants us to love Him unconditionally and love our neighbors.  When we follow what God asks of us we are always rewarded.  Hear God, love God and let go and let God.

All my love and prayers for you-LoLo

Proverbs 3:5-6

“Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.”

These last few weeks have been been very tough on my patience.  I many times recently have had to reference the bible verse shown below.

“Let your hope keep you joyful, be patient in your troubles, and pray at all times.”
(Romans 12:12)

I am not sure why recently things have bothered me and I have had to physically stop what I am doing and pray and practice gratitude.

Maybe my brain has become water logged from the eleven straight days of rain we have had.  Or maybe it is the 85 degree weather changing to 46 degree weather overnight.  Maybe it is the 4 pounds I gained from eating Halloween candy or decorated sugar cookies.  Maybe it is the decline of business I am experiencing.

Whatever the reason I am working hard to get out of this funk and get my gratitude back on.  I have so many things to be blessed for that I feel I am overlooking that I really need to give thanks for.  I am going to babble on here hoping this make sense to you as I cathartically cleanse myself of the funk.

I first want to recognize gratitude for my health improving. I suffered six years of constant anemia and weakness.  I began Grateful Gratitude on March 12th of this year and on April 6th I was sitting in the local emergency room receiving a blood transfusion.  As I sat there pale, weak and watching the donor blood go into my arm I began to recognize something.  All those years I had such a poor quality of life from my anemia.  I was always tired.  I had no energy and I missed events because of feeling like a rag doll.  I was now receiving blood to boost my red blood cell count and try to make me feel better.

I recognized that someone I didn’t know had taken the time to donate their AB+ blood so I could feel better.  Someone I had no idea who they were and selfishly gave to someone they didn’t know.  I was grateful because I don’t have that common of blood type yet there was blood that day for me!  God provided for me.

This made me recognize that Jesus shed His blood for me and although I didn’t know Him in the flesh, I knew Him in my heart and soul and He also saved me!  Although no one compares to Jesus I did think the situation was very similar on a very small scale but still lifesaving.  His blood was spilled to infuse me.

My doctor also provided life saving treatment for me That day with a daily prescription that would continue to build my red blood cells after the transfusion.  Another example of God’s people caring for each other and saving one another.  I have thanked my doctor multiple times for her knowledge, care and concern for me and her response is simple.  “That’s why I do this job.  To help others have a better life.”  She is serving God everyday and His people wanting nothing in return.

I feel the same way about the person that donated the blood I received.  That person had to take about two hours out of their day to give my pint of blood and to recover from donating.  Many of us feel to “busy” to take this type of time to donate blood.  Another person on this earth serving God and serving others unselfishly.

As I grow closer to God each day I give thanks to Him for sending His only Son to walk with the people here on earth and die for us, shedding His blood for the sins that had been committed  and would be yet to be committed in the years to come after He was gone from this earth.

I just can’t help to see the similarity of someone giving blood to save a life as Jesus did for all of us.  I am so grateful because my days are now filled with energy and health.

Shortly after I had my transfusion I heard this story.

Luke 8:43-48

⁴³ And there was a woman who had had a discharge of blood for twelve years, and though she had spent all her living on physicians,^[a] she could not be healed by anyone. ⁴⁴ She came up behind him and touched the fringe of his garment, and immediately her discharge of blood ceased.⁴⁵ And Jesus said, “Who was it that touched me?” When all denied it, Peter^[b] said, “Master, the crowds surround you and are pressing in on you!” ⁴⁶ But Jesus said, “Someone touched me, for I perceive that power has gone out from me.” ⁴⁷ And when the woman saw that she was not hidden, she came trembling, and falling down before him declared in the presence of all the people why she had touched him, and how she had been immediately healed. ⁴⁸ And he said to her, “Daughter, your faith has made you well; go in peace.”

This was my story.  I too had this disorder and suffered yet when I founded Grateful Gratitude to share God’s love through practicing gratitude I was also healed.  I recognized God speaking to me.  He told me my faith in Him had healed me.  Now this is no coincidence the timing of my emergency room visit and my healing.  This was God’s timing and I recognized the appreciation I had for God’s love and timing and my health.

If you are reading this and are suffering from a health disorder please turn to God and ask for His healing touch.  Have the faith and trust He wants us to have in Him.  I know when I turn to God and say, “Heavenly Father I know you have my life plans and I trust in Your plan.” I immediately feel at peace and comforted no matter what the situation is.  He calms me when I will be silent.

I pray every day for all that follow Grateful Gratitude whether it be through this blog post, our podcasts or on Facebook or Instagram.  I pray for you to not feel suffering or pain and if you do I pray specifically for God to touch you and heal you.  Please trust in God.  He only wants the best for you.  Let go and let God handle everything for you.

All my love, peace and gratitude for you-LoLo

1 Peter 4:8: “Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.”

I have been very blessed for the past six years to had a major account that contributed nicely to my paycheck.  I have friends and very close colleagues that work at this business.  I bend over backwards to make sure their orders are correct and on time.

I was notified yesterday that I now longer was a preferred vendor and effective immediately our company was dropped from their vendor list.  This hit me like a Mack truck.  I was so sick to my stomach.

In July our owner forwarded me an email that said my client was going to get do an RFP to obtain more vendor options for their buyers.  They had three preferred vendors and wanted closer to six.  No where on the short brief attachment did it say that existing vendors needed to reply.  They listed five requirements to bid and we met all of those requirement as an existing preferred vendor.

I shot an email back to our owner that said it looks like they are wanting to have more vendors added to their vendor pool.  I was not opposed to this because three really wasn’t enough to service this large business.  I thought nothing about it again.  This company had never done a RFP before, you just had to wade through all the required paperwork to get approval to sell to them.  We had always maintained perfect standing with them.

Late yesterday afternoon one of my clients emailed me an internal memo stating who the preferred vendors would be for the next fiscal year and which current vendors would be dropped.  There we were, listed under dropped vendors.  I felt like I had been kicked in the stomach.  I was dazed and definitely confused as to what happened.

I called our owner and she immediately went investigating what could have happened.  The business was now closed so we couldn’t reach out to anyone for clarification.  I also dug through my emails to see what I could piece together.  There it was.  The original email from July.  I cringed as I opened the attachment.  I read it multiple times.  It said that there would be a request for a proposal and you need to meet these five requirements.  No more information showing a link or more directions on how to bid or who was to bid.  Still sick to my stomach I went back to my boss’s email.  All it said was she had filled out the form and changed our address since it was incorrect.  I slowly scrolled down and saw the link and our assigned password.  I still thought we didn’t have to do any more if she completed the form with the address change since we were an existing vendor.

I was wrong, I needed to click that link to view the actual bid.  I am not blaming anyone but myself.  I guess I was so distracted I didn’t stop to read everything multiple times.  I just made an assumption.  My first reaction was that I had just lost 90% of my income over my rushed error.

As  my heart rate back returned to normal and my adrenaline calmed I realized this may be God at work shutting a door.  I realized that I had worked very hard in this profession for not a lot of commission and I spoke several times of leaving my 9-5 job to pursue Grateful gratitude full-time.  Maybe God had control of my mind the day I read that dreaded email in July and purposely didn’t have me read it clearly.  Maybe He didn’t want me to keep this client because it was taking away from my time serving and teaching gratitude.   Maybe he is telling me I need to serve and do His work that He has planned for me.  My husband even said, “Maybe God thought you needed a kick in the pants.”   My husband is usually very quiet and supportive and for him to say this I felt he was right.

These words rang in my mind that I has said over and over throughout the years.  God will shut a door when He is opening a window.  Now I have spent most of the day depressed but I kicked myself in the pants and said, “You know, I am grateful.  Grateful for the last few orders I received the in last week.  Grateful for the paychecks over the last six years.  Grateful I still have commission coming to me for the next six weeks from this client.  Grateful for the people I have met.”  I needed to pick myself up and realize I have been very blessed for having this client.

I spent most of the night praying and talking God about this change.  Promising Him I would remain silent while He goes to work for me.  Surrendering the urgency to control and call everyone to try to get my spot back and waiting for God to show me His plan.

Today is exactly six months from my first blog post and initial thought of Grateful gratitude.  I know that was absolutely God intervening in my life to start Grateful gratitude as much as I feel this is too.  I am not being punished or unloved, I am being redirected.  Redirected to where I need to be for His plans for me.

I apologize for this blog being short and to the point but I need to close this door and it is cathartic for me to pour out my thoughts and close that door to move forward.  I know I am not alone with the events that happened to me.  You may be suffering looking for a job, trying to make ends meet or working in a job that doesn’t satisfy you.  Know that God is opening windows for us to climb through and find a new adventure He has ready for us.  Trust Him always.  He will never take us through something that doesn’t bring us out stronger and more rewarded.  I will pray for you that you can see His love and good through whatever you may be going through.

*UPDATE*

I purposely waited a week to post this blog because I felt so strongly God was going to show me His plan or rewards for being silent and patient.  This week clients have been coming out of the woodwork.  Clients I haven’t heard from in several years have placed orders.  I received an RFP for a project for $60,000 and my existing client seem to be upping their purchases too!  I knew God would provide if I only trusted.

I pray for each and every one of you that if any of you are suffering from a loss at work or maybe a change in career and you are unsure what will happen please trust and God is handling this situation for you.  Release control and allow Him to put in place what he knows if best for you.

All my love, peace and gratitude-LoLo

As I would normally be blogging this week I must give up my stage to my beautiful daughter and her remarkable tribute to her father.  If you have read my blog you know my first marriage was very trying and I became a single mother when Lexie was little.  Her father became estranged from her and she dealt with a lot of emotions of abandonment in regards to her father. He died last year. The following is where Lexie is today with her father in heaven.

9/11 gives me all the feels and emotions.

Dad. I can’t believe it has been a year since I got that phone call. The phone call I knew would eventually get but not this early and not within 6 months of having my first baby boy. It was hard for me in a million ways because of the fact I was extremely hormonal and pregnant, but also I was struggling with the worst bout of anxiety/OCD that I have ever experienced (which I feel like would’ve been a time where you could have really related with me.)
Those 23 years were a huge mix of emotions for me as far as what we called our relationship. I felt anger and I felt guilt. I felt left with no answers yet I felt I totally understood you . I wanted to forget you yet when I’d see you I felt so much love for you.For ten years I just wanted to hear your voice and see you again for closure yet right before I reunited with you I wanted to back out because I (selfishly) knew it would be easier .What I see now but wished I understood during those years is that you were absolutely the best dad you could be. I wouldn’t be where I am now without you. I’ve learned that what seems like hardship and set backs are really just a part of God’s bigger plan for us. We weren’t in each others lives much because it wasn’t supposed to be that way. You protected me from having to see your struggles because you knew It wasn’t good for me to be around that environment. You were fine with Mom moving me to Texas not because you didn’t care but because you cared so much and wanted me to have the life you knew you weren’t able to provide for me. Because you weren’t the “conventional” dad didn’t mean you weren’t a dad to me.

I’ve seen that the picture that I painted in my head as the “conventional” dad isn’t always what it seemed. I’ve seen also that when parents get divorced that the children don’t always get “screwed up” because of it.

Because we went ten years without seeing each other as a young girl I was able to paint the picture of who you were in my mind (which was a positive) because God knew that it would have been way harder if you were in my life every day at that time.

I do feel like you left too early. I wish Ty could have met you. And I ESPECIALLY wish that you could have met your beautiful grandson, Levi James. BUT I absolutely know that you are shining up in heaven and with us and protecting us everyday. I have mentally been such a stronger person since Levi has been born and I truly believe it is all because you’re with me now and being that protecting patriarch that you can be now that you’re in heaven .

I thank God everyday that you’re my first father and I have life because of you and I’ll always be strong because of you.

I’m sorry our last encounter here was not a great one and I couldn’t make your celebration of life last year. But I know that you understand and still love me no matter what.

I will never forget the time you told me that I’m your only little girl and that you were so proud of what you and my mom brought into this world. After those ten years you looked at me like I was the best thing you had ever seen. And that’s the Dad I remember. Levi and future babies will know they have grandfathers here on earth but will also know they are extra special because they have a Grandfather that protects them from above. As well.

As a mother that went through all those years and tears with Lexie there is nothing more heartwarming that these words.  Lexie’s father was a wonderful man who couldn’t kick some demons.  God put Tod in my life to give me Lexie.  I loved Tod deeply in the beginning. I would be nowhere without God’s blessing and the biggest blessing being Lexie. 

If you are suffering with an estranged relationship in your life remember this struggle is for a purpose.  God has placed you there for a reason.  Sit silently and ask God where is He leading you.  How are you to learn from this relationship.  Trust His plan for you.

I pray everyday for those suffering with a broken heart from an abandoned parent or suffering from addiction like Tod did.  I pray for God to touch and heal those suffering and I know He hears these prayers. 

Nothing but God’s blessing, love and grace I wish for you-LoLo

“Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted”   Matthew 5:4