Gratitude Archive

As we move through life we feel it is important to serve other.  To take care of others and solve their problems.  I am here to tell you that you just can’t take care of others.  You can only support others.

I know that it is my habit to “mother” everyone and take responsibility for them and every crisis they face.  I want to be the one that solves everyone’s problems.  I always think I have the perfect solution for whatever it is they are going through.  I can be superwoman and fix everything for everyone just ask me.  Well that’s what I thought a few years back.

The most important thing you can do for yourself is to take care of your own problems and stay out of other’s issues.  Yes, they seek me out to unload everything that has currently got them down and I immediately begin to give my response on how to solve the issue.  The best thing I can do is shut my mouth and just listen.

Truly helping is by just allowing the other person to talk without interruption.  Allow them to hear what they are saying and let it absorb into their ears as well as yours.  Hear their concerns and anxiousness in silence.  God gave us two ears and one mouth for a reason.

Many people need to just release and vent the unhappiness they are experiencing.  It may be they are frustrated with their spouse.  It may be that someone gossiped unfairly about them.  Or quiet possibly they may be worried about a medical procedure they need to have done.

If you can just focus on what they are saying and listen to their words most likely they will figure out their own solution.  The more you offer advice the more you will tend to not hear them.  Your mind will jump ahead of what they are saying and build its own scenario instead of what they are actually saying.  I have caught myself doing this many times.

I now try to just quiet myself and hear what someone is telling me.  For example I had someone tell me the other day how frustrated they were with their spouse.  They felt their better half didn’t give them enough attention and shut themselves off instead of discussing what was happening in their marriage.

I listened as the person complained and said the laundry list of things that was currently wrong.  As I heard them speak, I knew myself being in a bad first marriage their problems were basic communication.  It wasn’t that one of them were cheating or had driven them close to bankruptcy with out of control spending.  It was that neither one heard the other.  They were both exhausted from working and handling the children.  Children do change a marriage with schedules, school and activities but they are such a blessing from God.

Being a seasoned wife, I shared a bit of marriage guidance, notice I said guidance and not solution or advice.  I told this person that days get hurried and work gets hectic but there are so many gifts God has blessed their marriage with.

They have a beautiful new home, they have money in the bank, healthy children as well as their health.  I asked the person, “Do you think it would help if you just thought about the reasons you two got married?”.  Since you love each other, why not go back to the things you have forgotten about each other that need to be renewed.  Think about the things that led you to say “I do” because those are the things forgotten in day-to-day living.

I know these two were inseparable in college before they were married.  They had to do everything together.  As their marriage has progressed, they have grown apart handling work and the household.  I told them to think about how they enjoyed cuddling on the couch watching their favorite TV show.  Just because children arrived didn’t mean they couldn’t DVR their show and cuddle and watch it after the kids were in bed.

They also loved going to the movies and eating a late dinner.  “Maybe you should plan regular scheduled date nights on the calendar to do this again.  If a child gets ill and you can’t go, reschedule it that night before it gets forgotten.”

Another thing I heard as they spoke is that the hand holding and hugging has ceased.  Again, not lecturing or solving their issue I reminded them that is only takes seconds to give a hug and it’s the quickest way to feel loved.  Seriously, if we all hugged more it would be a happier world.

I could have addressed this whole conversation telling them what they needed to do to regain control of their marriage but quiet frankly I haven’t walked in their shoes so I have no business trying to offer a solution.  The best thing I can do I listen and offer positive comments to stimulate their thought process for their own solution.

People just want someone else to care and tell them what they are going through is normal.  They want to know others struggle with marriage and they are not isolated failures.  Reassuring comfort is what they need not more opinions.

I have my own problems that I need to deal with and I don’t need to add anymore to my plate.  It is great to be supportive and offer to pray for them but you have to stop there.  Everyone needs to either handle their own problems or if they are too big for them then they need to hand them over to God to handle.  When you comfort instead of control you will be doing a great service to the one needing you to listen.  You also will appear to be a better person showing kindness instead of judgement.

I know we all have good intentions to help others and sometime we think we know what’s best for others.  God is the only one that has the authority to solve the problems of others.  He has everything planned out for them and their lives.  He is bringing them through this experience for a reason and we aren’t privy to what that reason is.

Remember what I have had to remind myself constantly and I said earlier.  You have two ears and one mouth.  Double your hearing and decrease your talk for everyone’s benefit.  Listen and be at peace that God will handle what needs to be handled and that you are a supportive friend.

If you are suffering now with a problem, know I am praying for your healing and happiness.  God will always provide your solution if you turn to Him and trust Him fully.  He will never let you down.

Love and gratitude, LoLo

Proverbs 3:5          Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.

You know the old saying, “When it rains it pours!” I can easily apply it to stress leading to anxiety.  It may be an unexpected financial crisis, a spouse walking out or a family member being diagnosed with a medical emergency.

I struggle with anxiety.  I have for many years.  This past week I have been struggling with keeping anxiety at bay.  I have been run through the wringer with stressor after stressor.  Each time I think that was the end of it something else hits.

One night I woke up every half hour praying.  I needed relief from what I was feeling.  My mind raced with doubts, fear, worries and everything I preach about keeping out of my life.  I would wake in a sweat with panic coming over me.  “Heavenly Father please protect me and guide me on these things that are controlling my thoughts.”

I said this prayer several different ways for around 14 times as I tried to sleep.  I then said another prayer.  “Father you are Almighty full of grace and mercy.  No one or no thing is more powerful than You and I place all my trust in You”  Each time I prayed it I felt it more sincerely.  “No one is more powerful than You my Father and you will protect me from any enemy.  I will be stronger with You.”

I didn’t sleep that night except for the 12-16 minutes in between prayers.  The next day I was exhausted but felt at peace.  I tried to be thankful through the day and pray for continued strength and faith.

That night I went to bed very tired hoping for a better night.  I fell asleep quickly but woke up not 30 minutes later.  I prepared myself to pray but felt at ease and no need for my desperate prayer.  I looked at the clock  one time I woke up and it was 2:11 am.  I was comforted as I explain later in this blog.

I only awoke three times that night.  No sweating or panic feelings.  When I did awake, I thanked God for his love and support.

When I woke to start my daily routine I had the fullest heart.  I proceeded through my day without the anxiety.  The same stress was there but I had the feeling everything was being cared for by God.  I knew the things I stressed about were out of my control so God was handling it and comforting me.

I also feel when I am more stressed like when my mom had to have immediate heart surgery or my dad was diagnosed with cancer I have to stop and pray.  I prayed for my Heavenly Father to hold them in his loving hands and care for them.  I prayed to give my full trust to Him and I know He has the resolution that is meant to be.  His plan, not mine.

I have had news like this last week and I had to retrain myself to place full trust in God.  To tell myself I know God is all loving and doesn’t want us to hurt and He has never let me down.  When my mom had heart surgery God blessed with a very talented heart surgeon.  When my dad was diagnosed with bladder cancer, MD Anderson was doing research on bladder cancer with amazing results.   My mom’s surgery was over 4 years ago and my dad is 2 1/2 years cancer free.  God didn’t let me down, He protected my family.

I know with this new stress He will stand by my side the whole way.  I feel like he is assuring me everything will be alright.  There will be a time of difficulty but things will be fine in the end.

I feel connected to God through the content He has placed in my heart and if you have read some of my other blogs you know I believe in angel numbers.  An angel number is a number you see repeatedly throughout the day.  I always see the number eleven on the clock (like 7:11, 2:11, 5:11) or today it has been 222.  I saw it on my iPad this afternoon so I reference my angel number book (Angel Numbers 101 by Doreen Virtue) and when you see 222 it means:

“Trust that everything is working out exactly as it is supposed to, with Devine blessings for everyone involved.  Let go and have faith”

This was the comfort I needed and I feel that these are signals from God.  Signals reminding me He is in control and by me.

“Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see.”  Hebrews 11:1

I know we all lose sight some days and we need that reminder that God can face things we can’t imagine and He will take care of all of us.  If you are suffering now with stress or anxiety please be at peace knowing that handing it to our Almighty Father that He will not let us down.  We are human and this is a tough thing to do but trust in our Father.

I pray every day for those following Grateful Gratitude on any of our social media platforms, podcast or this blog.  I pray for God to touch you, heal you and allow you to feel the love He has for you.  Always know someone else is always praying for you.  My love and gratitude for you-LoLo

Ephesians 4:31-32  (31)  Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice.   (32) Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

Forgiveness.  Where do I begin when I speak about this topic?  There are many aspects of how to forgive but I am going to share a few tools I use when I forgive.

One thing I always try to remember is I cannot control others.  When others choose to hurt us it is their own decision.  I have no way of controlling what they are going to say, act or choose how to hurt me.  I work on the fact that I am only in control of myself and my own acts and responses.

Many years ago my first husband gave me a laundry list of insults that with every verbal blow I shrank smaller and smaller and felt worthless.  The words hit like bullets.

You are too fat.

You don’t keep the house clean enough.

You don’t make enough money

I don’t like your cooking.

At the time I took every word he said and I allowed myself to be destroyed.  I felt his words had to be true because I was overweight, I was only making minimum wage and many times I came home late from work too exhausted to clean or cook.  I accepted his words and hid them inside.

After divorcing him several years later I recognized that his opinions belonged to him not me.  He said the things he did to cover his own wounds and secret life.  If he distracted me with hurtful comments I wouldn’t focus on what he was actually doing.  Those things were having affairs, not going to work and hiding alcohol and drug abuse.

When I realized I am my own self and what I believed was the only important opinion outside of God’s.  I told myself that his behavior was his behavior and he chose to act the way he did.  I set myself free from the haunting criticism ( if you call it that since criticism is meant to be helpful when used correctly) that I had held onto that was destroying me as a person.  It wasn’t easy and didn’t happen overnight.

Now it was many years after my divorce that I released the idea that I hadn’t any control over his actions and moved on. Eight years to be exact.   I said genuinely in a prayer, “God, please help me to release any hatred I feel for my ex-husband since he makes his own decisions.  Please help me to recognize I am who you made me to be and you would want me to forgive like You forgive me.  No one’s opinion of me matter except Yours God.”  I felt a peace come over me after I felt true forgiveness in my heart.

Isaiah 43:25 (25) I, even I, am He who blots out your transgressions, for my own sake, and remembers your sins no more.

I also use gratitude constantly in forgiving.  Instead of remembering all the hurtful things that were either said or done towards me I flip it to gratitude.  I once heard a speaker say when you can’t forgive someone and move past the experience to begin healing you should say this as you visualize the person, ” I want to thank you “for giving” me this experience!”  This makes you actually use the word forgiving and being positive at the same time.  Believe me when I say this will work if you truly are sincere when you visualize and say the sentence a few times.

I also have practiced gratitude after my first marriage to appreciate the difficulties of that marriage to get to where I am today.  That place is a much better place because of gratitude.  Here are some examples and please note I was far from forgiving my first husband when I began doing this.

I began by saying things like, “I am grateful that because of that marriage I was blessed with my beautiful daughter, Lexie.”  “Because of that marriage I learned what the perfect husband would be for me.” (God blessed me with that perfect husband.)  “I am thankful I always had a roof over my head and a bed at night.” “I am blessed to know the signs of alcohol and drug abuse now that I have gone through that marriage and maybe I can help others.”

When I removed the mean things I was thinking and made it more about focusing on how I benefited instead of how I suffered I gained more peace in my heart.  I am now even more grateful that I forgave my ex-husband fully about 3 years ago because last fall he passed away.  It would be very difficult knowing he had left this earth and I was still holding a grudge towards him.  I think God gave me that forgiveness knowing He was calling him home.

The final thing and the most important thing is to forgive yourself.  Most people don’t realize that when you can’t forgive others it is because you are not forgiving yourself.  You hold onto what happened and many times blame yourself for what has happened.  For example I internalized all of my ex-husband’s comments and rationalized them as being my fault.  I had gained weight and I could fix the situation if I lost weight.  I could find a different job that paid more money and I could change how he felt about me.  If I would put food in the crock pot on my lunch hour and clean the house at the same time he would be happy.  You know what?  None of this would have made a difference.  He would have just redirected his comments to something else.

When I came to the conclusion that I was working more than full-time (close to 50 hours a week)  and taking care of my baby I WAS  being a good wife.  My house had clutter but not trash laying everywhere and no bugs or vermin so I WAS keeping a clean house.  I forgave myself for allowing someone to hurt me and not see what I was doing.  Please forgive yourself and only listen to God’s comments on your life.

When we hold onto issues and don’t give forgiveness a lot of times it’s because your ego gets in the way.  Remember EGO means Edging God Out.  Don’t edge God out by holding onto unhealthy feelings.  Ask God to help you forgive even if you can’t forget.  If you can’t forget then turn that into a lesson of what not to do again.  You will be healthier and your heart will be at peace when you forgive.

All my love and gratitude for you, LoLo

Our podcast related to this blog

http://gratefulgratitude.libsyn.com/using-the-bible-to-eliminate-bad-habits