Gratitude Through Loss of Income

I have been very blessed for the past six years to had a major account that contributed nicely to my paycheck.  I have friends and very close colleagues that work at this business.  I bend over backwards to make sure their orders are correct and on time.

I was notified yesterday that I now longer was a preferred vendor and effective immediately our company was dropped from their vendor list.  This hit me like a Mack truck.  I was so sick to my stomach.

In July our owner forwarded me an email that said my client was going to get do an RFP to obtain more vendor options for their buyers.  They had three preferred vendors and wanted closer to six.  No where on the short brief attachment did it say that existing vendors needed to reply.  They listed five requirements to bid and we met all of those requirement as an existing preferred vendor.

I shot an email back to our owner that said it looks like they are wanting to have more vendors added to their vendor pool.  I was not opposed to this because three really wasn’t enough to service this large business.  I thought nothing about it again.  This company had never done a RFP before, you just had to wade through all the required paperwork to get approval to sell to them.  We had always maintained perfect standing with them.

Late yesterday afternoon one of my clients emailed me an internal memo stating who the preferred vendors would be for the next fiscal year and which current vendors would be dropped.  There we were, listed under dropped vendors.  I felt like I had been kicked in the stomach.  I was dazed and definitely confused as to what happened.

I called our owner and she immediately went investigating what could have happened.  The business was now closed so we couldn’t reach out to anyone for clarification.  I also dug through my emails to see what I could piece together.  There it was.  The original email from July.  I cringed as I opened the attachment.  I read it multiple times.  It said that there would be a request for a proposal and you need to meet these five requirements.  No more information showing a link or more directions on how to bid or who was to bid.  Still sick to my stomach I went back to my boss’s email.  All it said was she had filled out the form and changed our address since it was incorrect.  I slowly scrolled down and saw the link and our assigned password.  I still thought we didn’t have to do any more if she completed the form with the address change since we were an existing vendor.

I was wrong, I needed to click that link to view the actual bid.  I am not blaming anyone but myself.  I guess I was so distracted I didn’t stop to read everything multiple times.  I just made an assumption.  My first reaction was that I had just lost 90% of my income over my rushed error.

As  my heart rate back returned to normal and my adrenaline calmed I realized this may be God at work shutting a door.  I realized that I had worked very hard in this profession for not a lot of commission and I spoke several times of leaving my 9-5 job to pursue Grateful gratitude full-time.  Maybe God had control of my mind the day I read that dreaded email in July and purposely didn’t have me read it clearly.  Maybe He didn’t want me to keep this client because it was taking away from my time serving and teaching gratitude.   Maybe he is telling me I need to serve and do His work that He has planned for me.  My husband even said, “Maybe God thought you needed a kick in the pants.”   My husband is usually very quiet and supportive and for him to say this I felt he was right.

These words rang in my mind that I has said over and over throughout the years.  God will shut a door when He is opening a window.  Now I have spent most of the day depressed but I kicked myself in the pants and said, “You know, I am grateful.  Grateful for the last few orders I received the in last week.  Grateful for the paychecks over the last six years.  Grateful I still have commission coming to me for the next six weeks from this client.  Grateful for the people I have met.”  I needed to pick myself up and realize I have been very blessed for having this client.

I spent most of the night praying and talking God about this change.  Promising Him I would remain silent while He goes to work for me.  Surrendering the urgency to control and call everyone to try to get my spot back and waiting for God to show me His plan.

Today is exactly six months from my first blog post and initial thought of Grateful gratitude.  I know that was absolutely God intervening in my life to start Grateful gratitude as much as I feel this is too.  I am not being punished or unloved, I am being redirected.  Redirected to where I need to be for His plans for me.

I apologize for this blog being short and to the point but I need to close this door and it is cathartic for me to pour out my thoughts and close that door to move forward.  I know I am not alone with the events that happened to me.  You may be suffering looking for a job, trying to make ends meet or working in a job that doesn’t satisfy you.  Know that God is opening windows for us to climb through and find a new adventure He has ready for us.  Trust Him always.  He will never take us through something that doesn’t bring us out stronger and more rewarded.  I will pray for you that you can see His love and good through whatever you may be going through.

*UPDATE*

I purposely waited a week to post this blog because I felt so strongly God was going to show me His plan or rewards for being silent and patient.  This week clients have been coming out of the woodwork.  Clients I haven’t heard from in several years have placed orders.  I received an RFP for a project for $60,000 and my existing client seem to be upping their purchases too!  I knew God would provide if I only trusted.

I pray for each and every one of you that if any of you are suffering from a loss at work or maybe a change in career and you are unsure what will happen please trust and God is handling this situation for you.  Release control and allow Him to put in place what he knows if best for you.

All my love, peace and gratitude-LoLo