Gratitude Archive

Life is not easy. We have disappointment, suffering, loss and pain. Our world is corrupt and free will causes bad decisions and some of those decision will end up in a broken heart. This can be from a relationship that broke up or unforeseen loss of your job or maybe a sudden death of a close friend. Our lives will not be easy or without hurt but God is the best healer for a broken heart. May I say the only healer for a broken heart.

In the book of Matthew we are taught the Beatitudes. Beatitude means supreme blessing and Jesus taught them in the Sermon on the Mount (Matthew 5:2-11) I would like to look at Matthew 5:4 in particular.

Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.

You know, God doesn’t expect us to be happy all the time. It is impossible to be here on earth and to constantly be happy. Life has ups and downs and we have no way of avoiding this. Jesus tells us in the is second beatitude to mourn our disappointments and losses. When we mourn which means to feel or show deep sorrow or regret we begin a healing process. This is a process that involves God giving us strength to heal and move forward in growth. You play a big part in how quickly and effectively you allow God’s healing.

I know we hurt badly when we have been betrayed or suddenly lost a loved one but that is when we need to turn to God to comfort us. You may not understand why you are in this position of suffering and that’s okay. The most important thing to do is to turn to God for His love and support. Pray to our Heavenly Father to move you through the difficult time and to take your hand and guide you. Just like a teenager with a broken heart that turns to his or her parent to help we must too turn to our Father that loves us and can heal anyone.

Ecclesiastes 3:1-4 tells us there is a time for everything and God has planned it to be this way. This is His normal cycle for our progression. Happy times and sad times are part of the process. See the verse below.

 There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens: a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot, a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build, a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance,

This shows us that there is a negative and positive to every season or situation in our lives. Grief is an essential part of a healthy life. You must mourn and grieve to stay healthy. You cannot hold in sadness or bottle it up because it will lead to an unhealthy breakdown. If you start to process sadness quickly and with God you will heal stronger to move on more rapidly. Now I am not saying God wants you to heal and forget. He wants you to appreciate the loss and grow. For example if you suddenly lose a dear family member without any notice it can be devastating. If you quiet yourself and remember that God blessed you with that family member for a period of time to be a great influence on you. He didn’t promise you that person would be with you forever so grow from the beautiful things that person gave you.

I lost my grandmother very suddenly and very expectantly. She was 66 years old and had just learned to drive because my grandfather who was much older than my grandma always drove her around. My grandmother was fearful he would pass away and she would have no way to get anywhere unless she learned to drive. She bought a car and I helped her learn to drive. We spend time together in her little VW Jetta sharing the basic driving techniques she would need to know to pass her driving test.

Not long after learning how to drive she passed away very unexpectantly. I was heartbroken. I turned to God for comfort and immediately He helped me remember the days I spent in the car with my grandma. He showed me the special time He put my grandma in my life doing something special together, just the two of us. He put us together for that time because He knew she would be leaving me. I healed more quickly even though I still miss my grandma to this day I appreciate more clearly and fondly my time with her.

I always spent time at the holidays making Christmas cookies with her and to this day not a Christmas goes by I don’t make and share cookies in her honor. God healed me after my loss to appreciate and be grateful for this special lady that was my grandma. How could I be sad when I know God designed my grandma especially for me and He is holding her in Heaven in His arms?

God will bless us when we are broken hearted as difficult as that may seem to understand. We need to remember when we need God He will always pull us nearer and closer to Him. He is our Father and is meant for love and comfort. Open your heart to Him when you are hurting.

Taste and see that the LORD is good; blessed is the one who takes refuge in him. Psalm 34:8

Remember in the Bible in John 11:35 when Jesus wept? This is the shortest verse but maybe one of the most important to remember. Just as Jesus wept on this earth God grieves with us in Heaven. God is empathetic and feels our pain with us. That is why He is a good and loving God.

God also gives us a community for love and support. Our church community, family and friends when walking in faith are our earthly community that can build us back up and lift us. Use your communities here on earth as God blessed you with them for additional comfort.

I have told you many times that our toughest times of suffering become our greatest ministry. My walk through a divorce with a small child that I constantly had to hide her father’s drug and alcohol abuse took me to a very difficult place. I know I went through that journey so I can help others suffering. I recently spoke to a young mother that had a three year old daughter that was fleeing from a drug dealing abusive husband. I could tell her with my heart I had been in her shoes and God would bring her and her daughter through this struggle. I looked her in the eyes and told her to look at her daughter and know God gave her daughter to her to give her strength to overcome this situation. I knew my daughter was the only reason I could go on when I didn’t think I could in those dark days. I emphasized that God blessed her with that small child to get her through this season in her life. He is with her and it would be okay.

The last thing I would like to share with you is grief is evidence of love. If you weren’t sad or broken hearted you would have never loved or cared. Without love we are nothing and with pain we are something as tough as that may be to hear.

2 Corinthians 1:3-4 says it clearly and beautifully.

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.

If you are currently broken hearted or suffering I am so sorry for your pain but know that Jesus is walking with you and all you have to do it take His hand and allow Him to heal you. Appreciate the pain and grow in God as you heal. All my love-LoLo

Over the years I have been around many negative people that were naysayers and people that I felt I had to constantly try to please.  A naysayer is a person that constantly objects, criticizes or is always objecting to anything you believe or do.  These people always are negative and can tear you down in an instant with their words.

Let’s talk about people pleasing and why we need to stop catering to these people.  When we are trying to please others before pleasing God we lose our quality of life.  We become disabled in a world of constant change working to keep everybody happy.  Let me just tell you right now, most of these people don’t know how to be happy.  They aren’t able to recognize how to be happy so they are dragging others down.

When we become wrapped up in trying to please others we keep ourselves from seeing God’s purpose for us.  As a people pleaser we are addicted to the approval of others.  We spend all our times worrying about what will make others accept and like us.  We feel empty if everyone isn’t happy with us.

1 Thessalonians 2:4

On the contrary, we speak as those approved by God to be entrusted with the gospel. We are not trying to please people but God, who tests our hearts.

As I have said many times, God has a purpose and a plan for each of us and it is centered in Him, not earthy others.  We need to remain in God.  The people that can’t be satisfied with you are not in a place of knowing and understanding it’s all about God and not them.  It’s okay that some people haven’t come to this place of understanding, we all get there at different speeds and times.  Put yourself back in God’s light and love to do good by His Word.

Negativity from others will also keep you from growing in your faith.  Negativity and people pleasing causes anxiety and worry which God does not want us to have.  Your faith can’t be clear and concise when we are worried or anxious.  Faith cannot reside where anxiety resides.  Choose faith over anxiety by turning to God and praying for strength to know what He plans for you.  When God becomes big in your life, people become small.  What I mean by this is that those you are always trying to please begin to silence themselves or fall away when you are spending more time with our loving Father.  As I grew closer to God people fell away from me but I was okay with God removing them.

John 5:44

How can you believe since you accept glory from one another but do not seek the glory that comes from the only God?

Another very important argument against people pleasing is that when I am constantly reaching for others’ acceptance I am more tempted to sin.  Peer pressure can be a very tough thing to overcome when you are a people pleaser. Remember Peter and Jesus?  Peter said how much he loved Jesus and would never defy Him yet he denied him three times due to others opinions and fear.

Proverbs 1:10

My son, if sinful men entice you, do not give in to them.

There is also hypocrisy galore when we are trying to be a people pleaser.  We wear many masks and change our stance on many topics to keep others happy and confrontation at bay.  I have learned so much from Pastor Rick Warren on the topic of integrity.  Integrity means the quality of being honest and having strong moral principles.  Basically it means our character and what we stand for.  Have God number one in your life so you will not have to flip flop your ideas and opinions.  We are his number one so why not reciprocate that in love and make Him our number one?  I always think of the saying, “I am number two”.

Matthew 15:7-9 

You hypocrites! Isaiah was right when he prophesied about you: “‘These people honor me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me.  They worship me in vain; their teachings are merely human rules.'”

The important thing to recognize about naysayers is that they are almost always a family member or trusted confidant.  Hard to believe that the people that should love you the most can be the ones tearing you down the most.  This may be a parent that wanted you to be the star athlete and although you made first string you weren’t the top player so that wasn’t good enough.  I want you to know right now, no matter what you do or did would never be good enough with that person.  These people are struggling with their own inadequacies and can’t see good in others.  This is their struggle not yours.  I am sorry they treat you like you are not good enough when you are perfect in God’s eyes.

There are some things I would like to share with you to allow you to break free from the hold others have on you and any need you feel to please.  You will have peace and joy in your life if you follow these few suggestions.

I want you to remember even our Heavenly Father can’t please everyone.  People curse God for their problems even though they have free will to be happy if they would choose to be. Also, you would have no true and firm beliefs if everyone liked you because you would be always changing them.  God gives everyone His unconditional Love and people choose to embrace and receive that love or to live in society and it’s conformity.

I only need God’s approval and no one else’s.   When I began Grateful Gratitude I was worried what people would think of me speaking out so strongly about my love and gratitude for God.  We have seen society has turned away from walking in faith and have a strong distrust for those preaching the gospel.  Would they turn against me after building up my strong reputation of being a smart and ethical business woman?  I realized I didn’t care.  God put a purpose and a ministry in my heart and I had much more peace with that than worrying about anyone’s opinion to me.  It has been eighteen months and I have had some come against me on social media but I don’t respond I just charge forward.  Only God can meet all my needs.

John 5:41

“By myself I can do nothing. As I hear, I judge, and my judgment is true because I do not live to please myself but to do the will of the Father who sent me.”

We have become addicted to 24 hour news feeds on TV and in social media and that is not good.  We have access to stories true and untrue constantly effecting how we think.  This gives us constant focus on sensational news stories or the perfect life everyone has on social media which leads to negativity.  Have you ever searched for a product online because you are curious and then it pops up on all your feeds?  Please remember today’s story is just that today’s story tomorrow there will be another today’s story.  We need to understand the more we move away from reality TV, gossip, sensationalism and highlighting every moment in others lives the better we become.

I heard once people strive for fame and popularity to only obtain it and hide behind dark glasses.  They wanted to be liked and popular so badly that they are miserable once they have it.

Luke 16:15

He said to them, “You are the ones who justify yourselves in the eyes of others, but God knows your hearts. What people value highly is detestable in God’s sight.

We only need to live for an audience of ONE and it is God.  When you are people pleasing you are putting others before God  and that is idolatry.  You are breaking  the second commandment when you worship other things than our Lord.  Make this your motivator to stop people pleasing.

Romans 12:1-2

Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God-this is your true and proper worship.  Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is-his good, pleasing and perfect will.

Every time I am upset because someone has attacked me or derogated my ministry I take a deep breath and say, “I am only here to please God and He has given me this ministry and no one will bring me down!”  Stand strong, know you are a child of God above and beyond earthy behavior.  May you feel God’s blessings each and every day.  LoLo

It has been said that marriage doesn’t solve or create problems but that it magnifies what is already there.  When we first are enamored with someone we can’t stop smiling or thinking about them.  We find our minds drifting off during the day thinking about the next time we will see them.  Eventually this lead to an engagement, marriage, family, overtime, kids activities until we wake up being distant from our spouse.  Why do we lose that “loving feeling” and how can we get it back.

In order to get back to the marriage we began with we need to look at why God created marriage.  We can start to build our marriage back up once we understand God’s plan and His design.

God created a beautiful relationship with mankind and He wanted this to be copied in marriage building loving relationships so people can love unconditionally.  Unfortunately most people believe a marriage is between 2 people, a man and a woman but it’s not.  It takes three for a beautiful marriage; a man, a woman and God.  No marriage will be successful without these three elements.  It is well proven when a couple moves away from God they will also move away from each other.  The good news is that the closer they become to God the closer they become to each other.  Broken marriages are caused by one or both partners leaving God and shrinking the elements of marriage from three elements to two and eventually to all separate elements.

More good news is available for those suffering marriage difficulties.  When the two join back together in daily prayer and resume their walk with God their marriage will begin to grow and become strong again in God’s design for marriage.  It truly is that simple!

Ecclesiastes 4:12: “Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.”

God also designed marriage to grow His family.  When a man and a woman love each other deeply they share an intimacy that draws them more in love.  The design of intimacy was not by chance.  God recognized this as another way for a marriage to blossom and add to His family when children are conceived.  It is so important that couples find time for intimacy because there is a spiritual connection that is shared that cannot be obtained any other way.  It you are too tired for intimacy just hold hands, kiss and look into each others eyes.  The tiredness cause by overworking or daily stressors will pass and you can be intimate again within a few days.  Marriages without intimacy are just relationships.  Strive for that deep spiritual connection a marriage needs through being intimate with your spouse.

Marriage produces children whether naturally, adopted or through foster care.  Your marriage is the source for the protection for those children.  You are parents to nurture, love and protect God’s special little ones.  A strong marriage with a daily presence of worship and prayer shows children early God’s love and His design for their future through marriage.  Children that pray, are hugged regularly and are complimented have less incidence of insecurity and tend to be healthier.

Psalm 127:3 Children are a heritage from the LORD, offspring a reward from him.

Knowing that we understand God’s reasons for marriage let’s look at how to have a strong, lasting and loving marriage while living in such a chaotic world.

First, we need to listen to each other.  We have talked about this many times.  It is critical to any relationship that we quiet our mind while the other is talking.  Don’t worry about what your response will be, just take a deep long breath as your spouse says what they need to say.  I would like to emphasize that you not make noise on this deep breath because it will seem as if you are irritated or bored.  I am saying just breathe deep to open up your mind and heart to what is being said.

You need to open your heart to listen before you respond or start to think.  Try implementing a 5 second rule in your house and I don’t mean the 5 second rule for dropping food.  When you spouse is talking let them finish and then wait 5 seconds before responding.  I was once told by a friend not to say the first thing that came to my mind but to wait until what my third response would be.  This allows your brain to get rid of the initial reaction to what was said and the emotional response  before giving a thoughtful response.  This definitely takes work but you will be amazed how easy it becomes after being aware of your answers.

James 1:19-20 My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.

Forgiving is also critical to a lasting marriage.  We all know that two sinners marry since no human is perfect and that sinners require much forgiveness.  Billy and Ruth Graham always said a successful marriage requires two sincere forgivers.  That is so true.  Humans make mistakes so learn to not take mistakes to heart and forgive. There is no reason to be mad at someone forgetting to take out the trash or for spilling makeup on the floor.  Forgive yourself first for feeling the way you do and forgive your spouse for being a mere mortal.  You are both God’s creation and both flawed.

A marriage will also benefit from a component of humility.  When we put more importance on others than ourselves we are serving God.  This doesn’t mean you are any less important but that you are practicing being more unselfish in your thinking.  When we think of others it promotes a serenity in us and a more peaceful life.  If there is a disagreement in your marriage it’s okay to make the first move to say it’s fine to disagree.  You are not conceding but you are just moving past the disagreement.   Don’t ever hold grudges in your marriage instead act humbly and move on.

2 Timothy 2:14  Keep reminding God’s people of these things. Warn them before God against quarreling about words; it is of no value, and only ruins those who listen.

The last piece advice I can give you for that long and lasting marriage is to love God with all your heart.  When you are connected fully with God you can fully connect to your spouse.  If you aren’t right with God, you are right with anyone.  Always place God first in your life because He gives you love and enrichment that your heart needs to love your spouse.  Your love with God has to be first because God is love and to live in God allows you to live in love.  Read your Bible, live in God’s Word and live the life He has blessed you with.

I pray that if you are having marital problems that you get your  three elements back in sync to begin to heal your marriage and family.  If you are in a loving and beautiful marriage then I pray you continue to be blessed by God’s love.

My love-LoLo

 

Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God according to Mathew 5:9. Are you a peacemaker or are you always in the middle of conflict? As I grow older, I try to avoid all conflict to enjoy a peaceful life. Oh believe me, in my younger day I was not only in the middle of conflict but I was the conflict creator. Those days are long gone and I would like to share with you what I have learned about being a peacemaker following God’s way.

When you find yourself in conflict I would like to suggest that you be the kinder person and make to first move to resolve the conflict. Many people say, “Time heals all wounds” but it doesn’t heal hurt and conflict. Medically, time does heal physical wounds but it does nothing but create deeper conflict with emotional wounds. The longer you go without resolution the harder it is to reconcile. When you step up and take the emotion out of the conflict and work through the problem at hand you will find resolution more quickly.

I know most people think that if they make the first move they are admitting fault. Nothing is farther from the truth. They are putting fault to the side to get back to a good place in their relationship and move forward with life.  Fault has no place in conflict it only adds another negative property to conflict.

When you live in conflict you are blocking your happiness, your prayers and your fellowship with God.  You cannot experience these three things when you live in conflict.  We all want to be happy and have our prayers answered but when you are agree at others and not loving one another it blocks our blessings.  We also can’t stay in a good relationship with our Almighty Father when we are at war with others.

It is so important that you ask God for His wisdom whenever you need it.  Conflict is definitely a place where you need it.  In today’s world we always have a source for the Bible at our fingertips.  We have the actual Bible as well as Google to find the biblical teaching we need immediately.  His wisdom when followed gets us through all conflicts.  There is no excuse not to stop and read His Word when we need it.

James 1:5 If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.

Many of us want to find outside blame for conflict.  We are so fearful of being wrong or imperfect that we ignore our part in the conflict.  The main reason for conflict is we have become a very self-centered world thinking nothing can be wrong with us.  If we look inward instead of outward we can come to peace with our shortcomings and be more peaceful with ourselves leading to easier resolution.   I personally find when I am at more at peace with myself I have less conflict.  When I live in God I don’t recognized petty issues leading to conflict.

I have found people who divorce nowadays think it is easier to give up on a relationship than it is to resolve their conflicts with their spouse.  Think about all the time that has been invested in building that relationship and how much time will need to be invested in finding another spouse.  I am not saying to stay with someone that is abusive for the sake of investment.  What I am saying is God placed that person in front of you for a reason whether is it for love or for a lesson I cannot say but think deeply before throwing it away!

I want to emphasis that in conflict resolution is it critical to hear why the other is hurting and what their perspective is on the conflict.  Notice I said to hear, not listen.  Hearing is letting the words penetrate into your brain while not thinking of your response.  Listening is half heartedly hearing words while your brain is thinking about how you are going to respond.  Hearing only comes with a sincere heart and both ears.

Here is an exercise I like to recommend if two people are too immersed in the conflict to hear the other person.  Find something very endearing to both of you let’s say you child’s baby blanket you wrapped him or her in after they were born. The blanket you both felt the first time you held your newborn blessing.   This should be related to a time of wonder and love after the birth of the child.  One person holds the blanket and speaks without being interrupted.  The other person quiets their mind to hear what is being said.  Then switch after 3 minutes allowing the other to speak.  This will require great practice.  Focus on holding the blanket, speaking kindly yet honestly to work towards resolution.  

People say the most hurtful things when they are hurting the most. Remember this and practice kindness and hear.  

Proverbs 12:18 The words of the reckless pierce like swords,
but the tongue of the wise brings healing.

It is so important to choose your words to be softer and kinder to be heard,  Don’t ever threaten when you are in conflict.  Many married couples throw around leaving or divorcing when they are in conflict.  These words become meaningless when thrown around carelessly.  We all remember the little boy that cried “WOLF” multiple times for attention and then when he truly needed help when the wolf arrived no one listened.  It is the same with your words.  Use them only when you mean them.  Don’t shout out words for shock value or to create fear in the other person.

There needs to be a list of words that are off limits for when you are in conflict.  Words like fault, blame, name calling and hate.  Your words may be different but please make the list.  Also agree the past cannot be brought up.  What happened has happened and nothing can be done about it.  Also refrain from cussing at one another since this in no way is helpful.

I would like to recommend if you can’t resolve conflict then focus on reconciliation.  I don’t mean giving in to get back together.  I mean reconcile in your heart that  you are both good people with good intentions and make peace with that.  There may be times you can’t resolve the conflict and God may be moving you in a different direction.  Trust in God’s will.

I am living in a place that is pretty conflict free right now because I realize I want to live in God’s Word and not my own understanding.  If you are currently in conflict with someone, release the hurt and ask God to take over.  All my love-LoLo