What Are You Telling Me, God?

We are only in mid-May and it seems like I have walked a million miles. I’m exhausted, confused, and trudging through life. I’m not complaining but just wondering what God is telling me and transforming me for.

I started this year in a cyclone of grief after losing my dad last fall. I felt God calling me to help those that are grieving by starting grief support groups and building comfort boxes. This was fulfilling and helped me with my grief.

I didn’t realize that helping others with their grief would cause me to take on “more” grief. I was now sharing extra stories of loss besides my own. It is exhausting yet very rewarding if I could make a difference. I definitely felt God bring this work to me and I obediently serve Him doing this. I just didn’t realize the surprise of how grief wore me out. How did Jesus deal with all the healings, miracles, and teaching He did and not be exhausted? He rose early to be alone with God and pray. I do this too.

February came and yet another incident took me by surprise. I was bathing early one morning and saw a huge blister on my right thigh. It was about the size of a nickel and extremely swollen. I made the assumption that it was an ingrown hair or something simple and moved on. Two days later, the blister had opened and I noticed the tissue was necrotic (dying) and infected. I did a telemedicine visit with our health insurance doctor and she informed me it was a poisonous bug bite. She prescribed antibiotic cream and Cephalexin. The antibiotic knocked me out of work for several days due to stomach issues. I am not posting the picture of the bite here because it was nasty and don’t want to put you, the reader through that visual. I felt like a leper in Bible in a way. I had this sore that was ugly and painful and I felt different than others. I hid the sore from my husband because I felt if he saw it he would love me less or be repulsed. That wasn’t the case, just like Jesus he offered me love and didn’t turn away from my defect.

March seemed relatively quiet and then……April flew in like a storm! I have been attending church with my mom and they were talking about all the different service opportunities the church offered to participate in. I felt that being a servant of God I would add a few more dates of service to my calendar. I went online and filled out the form for the background check and BAM I was hit again. When I received the email that my report was back and could be viewed I proceeded to the link. I was blown away when I saw I was connected to a felon’s record in Pennsylvania that showed I had 27 felony arrests in their state. WHAT???? I felt like Al Capone! Just like Joseph was accused of raping Pottifer’s wife unfairly, I felt that same wrath.

Okay, God, with You I can work through this too. I started the process by calling the Pennsylvania Municipal Courts. The lady I spoke to was very nice and said that she could easily tell by the last four numbers of my social security number that these charges didn’t belong to me. She directed me to another department that gave me instructions on how to clear this up. It started with going to my local police department and paying to be fingerprinted and sending the copies to the Pennsylvania State Police for a comparison study. This study would compare my fingerprints to the woman’s fingerprints actually arrested and booked for the charges. Before I could complete this task, the next thing hit!

Here we go again God, why this interruption now? The Tuesday after learning I needed to submit my fingerprints, I was debilitated with stomach cramps and my husband had to have me transported to the Emergency Room by ambulance with food poisoning. This was horrific. As I lay on the hospital gurney receiving IV fluids, Bentynal, and Zofran, I thought of Jesus. My mind thought of the scourging Jesus received before His crucifixion. Every debilitating stomach cramp reminded me of the blows Jesus received for us. Believe me, I prayed all night for Jesus to heal me with each cramp and He did.

After somewhat recovering from this food poisoning, I was able to get my fingerprints done and off to Pennsylvania State Police. I am happy to say that today I was notified that I have been removed from the felon’s rap sheet and have a certification clearing me of all charges.

Now to the most recent interruption. COVID. Yes, that’s right. After suffering from a few days of seasonal allergies, my husband said to me, “You should take a Covid test.”. “Why?”, I asked, “I was surrounded by goldenrod last week and I just have allergies.”. Needless to say, when I felt feverish I took a test and it developed a positive result. The telemedicine doctor I consulted said that my husband needed to test too. His positive test line developed before the control test line……..

So where does this leave me? Interruptions in life probably mean I need to slow down and be more aware in life? I have been looking back on all these events over the last five months and keep hearing Rick Warren’s words ring through my mind. “Sometimes God will put you flat on your back to get your attention.”. God are You trying to get my attention?

I am listening Father and I am stopping to hear Your voice and guidance. Thank you in advance for the blessings You are preparing me for and for being patient with me when I think I need to take on the world.

May you feel God’s love and blessing today. My love and gratitude-LoLo

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