I know people probably get tired of hearing me say how blessed I am that God put my husband in my life. When you are truly blessed with a wonderful spouse it is so important to tell others about him or her. Praise them in public as often as you can.
If you have read my previous blogs you know that I had a very difficult first marriage riddled with drug abuse and alcohol dependency with my first husband. I began saying around 16 years of age that I would be married twice, one for experience and once for love.
I guess God was preparing me for the life I was meant to live. I definitely got experience from my first husband. Experience I really wasn’t prepared for. I was married just before my 23rd birthday. I had no clue what it meant to be a wife. I just wanted to be married and have a new last name with a new life.
Both my first husband and I said to each other a month before we got married that neither of us wanted to get married but too much had been planned to back out. We said we would just go through with it and see what happened. What a pathetic attitude about the sanctity of marriage. God knew I had to walk through this marriage to understand what He would bless me with later in life.
I had no spirituality when I was entering into that first marriage. I didn’t practice and appreciate God and His blessings at that time. I hadn’t been raised knowing God and I didn’t seek out God on my own. I am not blaming anyone but just setting the story.
Every day my first husband and I went to work, came home and proceeded to head out to the bar to meet friends and drink all night. We did this repeatedly for seven years until I became pregnant. I was so happy to be pregnant as a matter of fact I said in early December of 1993, “I want a baby and I want it right away!” Miracles happen because by mid-December I was pregnant.
Now this was a blessing to me, not my husband at the time. The first words out of his mouth when I told him I was pregnant were, “It’s not mine!” It was like a high school boy who had a one night stand. He said it so nonchalantly. I was devastated he could say such a thing when I was so joyous. I was so thrilled to be pregnant that I started wearing maternity clothes at 4 months just so I could tell everyone I was pregnant.
I of course stopped drinking and going out but unfortunately my husband didn’t. I basked in my love of being pregnant while he found other girls to go out with. I suspected in the back of my mind that he had to be seeing someone because he came home late at night after I had gone to bed. He began sleeping in and not going to work so we rarely saw each other or talked.
He did put together the crib and attend one Lamaze class with me but my hired doula attended all the other classes and doctor’s appointment. I knew once the baby came it would be different and things would be better. I was wrong.
Our baby was born on August 10, 1994 and she was a gorgeous, healthy baby girl. The delivery nurses commented on her beautiful red lips and her perfectly shaped eyebrows. My husband came to the hospital for the delivery and a few times after I delivered her but made excuses that he had to go to work and get things ready at the house for when we came home. I didn’t mind because it gave me so much alone time in the hospital with Lexie. I bonded with that girl when I was 5 months pregnant and chose her name. I talked to Lexie Paige in uterine and after she was born I would talk to her like she was an adult even though she was a newborn.
I basically lived as a single mom but I do want to say my first husband did love Lexie very much. He just didn’t know how to be a father. Now I’m not really sure anyone knows how to be a parent but if you bring a child into this world you need to at least try.
He tried by holding her for short periods of time, buying her gifts (that baby girl had more pairs of shoes than Imelda Marcos) or by telling all his friends about his baby girl. To him that was what you did when you were a father. He would say, “A baby should always be with their mother because a mother can take better care of them.”
I won’t rehash the bad parts of this marriage because I have already blogged about it in my blog about surrendering to God. I will say that once my divorce was final I began my search for God and the life He had planned for me and my daughter moving forward.
Lexie was in first grade when the divorce was final and we began attending church regularly. We were both baptized and started a new life with God as the center of our lives. After soul searching for about a year asking God what did He want for me in life and what type of husband should I have, I found the answers.
God wanted me to have a man who could be a wonderful father to Lexie, that could provide for our family financially, that was faithful to me and God, that was respectful, kind and offered unconditional love. I was very clear on God’s plan for a second husband. God would provide that man for me and Lexie. I trusted in His plan and let go.
Ephesians 4:2 says “Be completely humble and gentle, be patient, being with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of The Spirit though the bond of peace.”
It wasn’t long after realizing God’s love and plan that He brought me Wes. He purposely put Wes in my life because I would have never met him on my own. You can reference my blog about how I met Wes online with God’s intervention.
Wes has become one of the greatest blessings in my life. Wes is very calm, extremely smart and educated, he is a marvelous provider and loves me unconditionally. He has brought out patience and kindness in me. He has been outstanding with Lexie when she didn’t have her father in her life. I respect and honor him for everything he does for me and puts in my life. This could be as simple as a hug, words of wisdom, a glance across a room when someone is being unkind to me for support or fun vacation.
To be the best you can be as a spouse you have to overlook the little things and recognize that words can hurt if you don’t hold your tongue or pick your battles. If I am feeling a bit crabby I will tell Wes, “I am so sorry if I am short with you today. I am crabby and don’t mean to be.” I always want to let him know if I am feeling off. I guess it is sort of to apologize before I may say something instead of being rude and apologizing after. He is always supportive and tells me I am fine.
I do honor my husband as if I am second because of the way he protects me, loves me and provides for me. I was a single mom struggling for many years, some nights I wasn’t sure how I would feed my child and I knew what it was like without love and protection. He does little things that I appreciate for how unselfish he is. For example; he will always offer me the remote control to watch whatever program I prefer. He lets me pick the restaurant regardless of what he would like to eat. When we were planning a trip to Charleston and he told me to pick the sites I wanted to visit.
We are so appreciative of each other that when we were on vacation it is more important for uninterrupted time together than anything else we planned to do. I think that knowing life is precious and having five days together strengthens our love for each other and allows us to see some amazing historical sites together.
He and I can sit silent together and be content or we can walk through a museum pointing out interesting things to each other. I am so at peace with God’s choice for my second husband and the life Wes is giving me. The following bible verse rings true in my heart regarding my second chance for a happy marriage.
“But this I call to mind, and therefore I have hope: The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.”
God always offer second chance to make a new life. I can always rely on Wes for his kindness, emotional support, intimacy, strength as well as a peaceful life.
When I wanted to start our blog, Facebook page, podcasts and YouTube channel all Wes said to me was, “If it makes you happy, it makes me happy. I will support you no matter what you do.” He truly thinks of me before he thinks of himself.
I thank God many times throughout the day for Wes. He is an absolute king to me and he treats me like a queen without any hesitation.
If you are suffering in a marriage that is not peaceful or full of addiction or other strife, know that you are worthy of the man or woman God intends you to be with. Break free from any unhealthy relationship with the full faith that God will heal you and give you the person you deserve. God wants each and every one of us to have too many blessings to count and someone who revels in your beauty and gifts to fulfill your life.
I pray for all of you reading this blog to receive nothing less a beautiful and fulfilled life with all of God’s blessings and love. You so deserve what He has planned for you and wants you to receive. I am so blessed that you have been here with me to read this blog. love, peace and gratitude for you, LoLo