Tag: gratitude

Walking Through Grief From Fentanyl Poisoning

LoLo Roberts

Death is all around us. When I speak of death, I am not only talking of physical death and loss of loved ones but also of death in society. The Bible presents death as separation: physical death is the separation of the soul from the body, and spiritual death is the separation of the soul from God.

This past weekend, I spoke to a group of families (mainly moms) who have lost their children to fentanyl poisoning and are in extreme grief. They were confused by unanswered questions, dazed by the sudden loss, and present with broken hearts. There were tears, there were fears, and there was emptiness.

I walked into the room and was concerned about relating to the group since I hadn’t had any dealings with fentanyl poisoning. I didn’t know any information about this drug except that it was an aggressive killer and random as to who it would kill. In 2022, there were 4,925 unintentional drug overdoses in Texas. Greater than 44% of those deaths were fentanyl deaths; 2,192 beautiful people became angels and are no longer with us. In 2020, there were 891 fentanyl poisonings in Texas; in 2021, 1648, and 2,192 in 2022. This is a rapid increase in a very short time. The numbers are still being compiled for 2023. The graph below is provided by: https://healthdata.dshs.texas.gov/dashboard/drugs-and-alcohol/fentanyl-trends

Until this meeting, I didn’t really know what fentanyl was. Fentanyl is a synthetic opioid that is 50 times more potent than heroin and 100 times more potent than morphine. Just two milligrams of fentanyl, which is equal to 10-15 grains of table salt, is considered a lethal dose (see picture below). The two moms facilitating this class explain that fentanyl is very cheap. A single dose of fentanyl is considered to be 100 mcg-400 mcg and can cost about $2 or less. The cost of heroin is around $20 per dose. One of the major problems with fentanyl sold on the street is that there is no way to know how much fentanyl something actually contains, and it is one of the easiest opioids to overdose on.

It is sadly not uncommon now to find heroin, cocaine, methamphetamine, or MDMA (ecstasy, molly, or mandy) laced with fentanyl on the street. Due to its high potency and low cost per dose, street dealers have found it to be a useful filler or substitute when selling other, more expensive street drugs. (https://www.addictionresource.net/cost-of-drugs/prescription/fentanyl/)

The group I was speaking to was NTX Angel Moms. I met one of the moms last fall at an event I was attending with Grateful Gratitude. I was visiting with the community offering prayers and gratitude hearts. A lady named Jeri approached my table and was so sad. She told me she had lost her daughter and she missed her so much. She didn’t tell me how the loss occured and I didn’t ask seeing her hurt. I asked her to choose a heart to take with her and to remember that I cared for her and would be praying for her peace.

Two weeks ago, Jeri sent me an email and said she was launching a new support group and asked if I would come speak on the importance of journaling and share gratitude hearts with the family members. She then told me she lost her daughter, Jessie to fyntanyl poisoning. Even though I was not sure I could be of help on the subject of fentanyl poisoning, I hoped God would make me a help through the grief support I offer.

The meeting started with family members talking about their family member and how they found out about the loss. I didn’t cry tears on the outside but I felt my heart breaking as they spoke. Some had few words to share, some a lot, all the words clung to my soul. Here were beautiful people living life, yes some with struggles but none with intentions of dying. I saw the faces of the lost loved ones, again, beautiful faces full of life. Please don’t be a person that says I don’t need to know about this because it doesn’t partain to me. It does. We just lost a outstanding teen in a neighboring community to this viscious drug.

I want to show you some pictures from the gathering. Pictures of two moms fighting to save other family members with fentanyl poisoning awareness. Pictures of a few faces lost, now angels and never forgotten. Please reach out to NTX Angel Moms or Because Cullen to have them speak at your PTA meetings, church gatherings, parents groups, or meet with them alone to become educated on how to slow and stop this loss. More information may be found at: https://www.dea.gov/onepill and at Because Cullen: https://www.facebook.com/groups/330821742943543

May God bless you and your families and I pray you learn more about saving lives.                      

               Love & Gratitude, LoLo.

Mary, Did You Know?

LoLo Roberts

So, it has been quite a while since I have posted a blog. There are many reasons for this, but the main reason is my friend and podcast producer passed away unexpectedly on October 1st. Mark Friedman believed in Grateful Gratitude before I knew what Grateful Gratitude would be.

I am floundering to figure out how to continue my podcast since Mark was usually present to banter with me when I recorded. I would always walk into his studio, and he’d always have something he “needed” counseling on (his words, not mine). He wanted my opinion on someone he “liked” (as if we were in high school). It could have been that he wanted to challenge me on my knowledge of the Bible or even talk sports, although I knew nothing about sports. He made every session comfortable and thought-provoking.

As I contemplate this Christmas without podcasts with Mark, my thoughts turn to a beautiful Christmas song, “Mary, Did You Know” by Mark Lowry. The lyrics ring more repeatedly this year than any other year. I wake up with the lyrics swirling in my head at 3 am. Why is this, and how does it relate to Mark “Friedo” Friedman?

It dawned on me that Mark would always say to me, “Hey, did you know…..”? Every session in the studio or any time I ran into him, he would always ask me that question, followed by a random question. I imagine all his friends heard this often, too.

Now that Mark is gone, I reflect on some of those questions. Mark asked me a few profound questions. One was, “Hey, did you know that I think I had a near-death experience when I was in my coma?” Of course, I did not know this at the time. He proceeded to tell me cryptic bits of what he recalled when he lay in a coma that he thought he may have been dying. I studied heaven when my dad was terminally ill with pancreatic cancer. I taught a class on heaven and passing away Mark had attended after he was released from the hospital. I think he felt I might be able to help him understand his experience. This opened the door to more conversations about passing away and going to heaven. May I just say that Mark was not afraid to die and knew the promise of heaven?

Three days before Mark passed away, I went to his studio to record, and as soon as I hit the door, he said, “Hey, did you know I am having more of those experiences we talked about? Do you have time to hang around and talk about them?” Unfortunately, we got off-topic and never had that conversation. Later that afternoon, I remembered I hadn’t discussed the experiences he mentioned. Like many, I stowed it away to talk to Mark about the next time I saw him.

Sunday evening, just three days later, I received the text that Mark had passed away. I was stunned at first and thought the same thought most people had, “I just saw him!” This caused my mind to race and relive the session we just had. He looked great, better than he had all year. He usually was jaundiced, but his eyes were clear and bright white that day. I said to him, “You look great. Better than I can remember.” He laughed and said, “You wouldn’t think that if you saw my blood panels.”

Laying in bed that Sunday night, I dozed off but awoke suddenly around 3 am. A conversation with Mark last spring hit me like a ton of bricks. I arrived early for a lunch meeting, and Mark and my friend Justin were at the restaurant talking. The restaurant was quiet and empty. I hadn’t seen Mark in several weeks. I asked him how he was, and he flippantly said, “Hey, did you know I was in the hospital recently?” “No, how would I know that?” I responded.

Mark looked me in the eyes and said, “Yeah, I was, and the doctors say I have six months to live.” Mark was always kidding, so I responded, “Oh, shut up. That’s not true.”

Mark brushed it off and changed the subject. Mark is such a private person; I would have never expected him to share something like that. Back to “Mary, Did You Know,” why is it haunting me this holiday? It wasn’t mainly the Christmas song, but the words, “Did You know”?

That phrase, “did you know,” brings me back to Mark. It brings me back to that last session when he rallied and looked healthy.

There is an article I read about why people rally before dying. This is what is said:

It is completely normal for someone to rally before passing away. Despite being somewhat shocking to family members, this last-minute surge of energy or clarity can help the individual say their goodbyes, reflect on their life, and process what is happening to them. It helps your loved one tie up loose ends and may give them a sense of control when it comes to their death. This can be particularly healing for those who have sought treatments for illnesses but to no avail.

I feel that Mark knew my faith and that hearing the three little words, “Did you know?” would remind me how special he was. How he believed in me when I didn’t believe in me. This is our last podcast together. Mark, I did not know this would be our last podcast, but I greatly thank you for being there on this day.

Thank you for reading this blog post, and please look up for one minute to say hi to Mark and know he is with Jesus.